Heart Vs. Mind, Trying to be realistic.

Current internal dilemma right now is what type of job I want to pursue more. I’m getting desperate (just a little though, I’m still not taking under a certain amount for a job) and honestly, going back to a barn job is looking reallll good about now. Even if it’s just mucking stalls.

Fun story though, I signed up on Yard and Groom a couple of weeks ago but never sent out any emails about being interested in certain positions. Well, over the weekend I got an email from someone on the site. J and I were driving home when I saw the email and I called her from the car, set up an interview, and I did that at 9 AM this morning. The job literally looks perfect on paper. A weekly salary, housing for myself on the farm that would allow my dog, board for Bella on the farm (and it’s a nice farm). But they don’t withhold taxes, which theoretically shouldn’t be an issue but I’m already pretty strapped for money this year after being out of work for so long (fun fact guys, money goes quick when you’re not making any) and that makes me nervous. Combined with the hours and not being entirely sure what my schedule for school will be each semester is obviously a bit of a hang up for myself and the employer.

I have another interview this week for accounting, which is my major, and it’s in town closer to school. The hours would be set without much chance of running over. Plus, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume they’ll be paying me more even without room & board included. J did the math and even with free housing and board I’m not making that much money off of that deal, which is okay for me because I have help with school.

I think the major downside would honestly be the loss of free time. If you’ve never worked with horses before then you might not realize this but a simple day at the barn can turn into an extra 2 to 3 hours. This might not be such a big deal if I didn’t have a boyfriend. With J moving to Raleigh for law school it’s going to fall on me to be able to travel back and forth more because he’s going to be studying with almost every waking moment. I know from experience that, generally, working with horses you don’t get holidays off, or snow days, or any days. Horses need care seven days a week and even on a farm with multiple people, everyone has a job and since one person has to always work, everyone has to work.

I’ll admit, that’s a little selfish of me at this point. I do need a job. But, besides being selfish about my free time, I also need a job that’s going to help me pay my taxes right now because any money not going straight to the government at this point is going to getting me back out of debt and going to my animals care (Bella really needs to see her chiro again and I’d really like to check her saddle fit with someone in the near future as well, Cher is just old af and I need to be able to ensure that she can go to the vet when anything happens with her). I need to pay up everything I currently owe and save up for possibly moving next year to be with J while he goes through school. So having a job that takes my taxes out automatically would be a huge bonus. It would be one less thing I need to seriously budget for.

My heart tells me to chase the horse job. Because my heart really misses working outside, working with horses being in a barn, having a huge community like that. I love the barn Bella is at but, obviously, I’m paying them. My brain is telling me that the more practical thing is to chase this office job I have an interview for. Either way I know that the barn isn’t hiring until mid-August while she interviews other people, and if I get a good job offer before then for something that’s going to withhold taxes and allow me to get some more accounting type experience, I’m likely going to take it.

Sometimes following your heart isn’t the right thing to do. Because while I know I could love and handle another barn job, even in the best possible situation I could ever have gotten it still doesn’t mentally feel right. There are still some major issues that would fall on my shoulders, and right now I need life to be a little easier. But knowing these things really doesn’t change the dilemma. I want what I want, and now I have to convince myself that I might actually be better off without it. No matter how amazing the opportunity might be. Besides, I might not even get offered the job.

Here’s a bonus picture of Bella from today:


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About Renz Unruhe

26 year old equestrian keeping busy and moving forwards.
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