Gotta love when you find things that 100% present who you are as an equestrian. Even better when friends share it to you less than 24 hours of you finally opening up to them about the horrible week you’ve had with your horse (see my last blog entry about that mess). Opening up to said friend helped because I had been seriously debating about how much I really wanted to share about what’s going on with Bella recently online. Honestly, I am all about being completely open with our struggles just as much as I want to be open about my success with her. But I also realize that by posting anything negative about our rides that I’m opening myself up to a lot of unnecessary (and unwanted) judgment.
I get tired of people judging me and my horse (honestly, it’s been close to eight years of that shit, and some of these people need to go worry more about themselves and what they’re doing wrong and just let me live). I’ve had her since she was two. Since before she had ever seen a trailer, so I have to constantly remind myself that just because we have a few “bumpy” rides that we’ve come so far. When I stop and think about it, those bad days are totally worth it (even though I have definitely left the barn crying out of frustration more times than I can count). I’ve threatened to sell Bella more times than I can count and every time it happens everyone laughs at me and just rolls their eyes (smart move guys, keep it up). Shoot, even my boyfriend doesn’t believe me when I threaten to sell her (and he’d love for me to be able to save the money I spend on her). Bad days happen, bad weeks happen, and the biggest thing for me is just to remember that I will literally go nuts if I don’t get to ride.
I would rather have bad days, be frustrated, contemplate giving up, and then go home and do it again the next day. Why? Because I genuinely love riding and I know there is not one single issue with Bella that is so big I can’t work through it. Riding is hard, and it sucks, and the more “hot” the horse, the tougher things can be. Some days I wish I had steady eddy but honestly, how bored would I be with that? I always eye the more challenging horses with ‘tude problems. I love the conversation that I get to have with them, and I love worming my way down to the root of the problem. It’s fun for me, and even on the bad days there’s nothing in the world that could make me give up riding. I’ve fought too hard to get here, and I’m damn sure not walking away.
So yeah, sure, when the rides are great I’m on cloud nine and feel like a rockstar. When they suck, I wonder just how badly I am as an owner & rider, and when I don’t get to ride for even a week…. well shoot, I’m sorry for what I said when I missed out on my saddle time.