So for the past twenty days I’ve just sort of been living in whatever moment I’m in. Obviously with my boyfriend in the hospital (yes, he’s still there) it’s been a bit of a challenge to accept my current moment and simply figure out how to move forward from there.
I’ve written before about my depression & anxiety struggles and while I am finally back on medication that seems to be working, I started it the day of his accident. Hopefully another ten or so days and we’ll really know how that’s working for me. Either way, I’ve survived this entire ordeal up to this point so I’m feeling pretty good about things.
While I haven’t been writing, it’s because I’ve simply been coping with the extraordinary changes going on in my life now. I’ve begun to leave work earlier, which means I have to get everything done early so I can leave (or I have to catch up on things at home). I have a heavy sense of guilt every time I leave the hospital, and as of last week I began to wake-up at 6:00 AM to go ride before work so that Bella can continue working.
She did have ten days off, luckily horses don’t lose their conditioning that fast, and then I rode last Sunday & flatted her two mornings this week. She’s been phenomenal. More of a push ride at 7:00 AM than I’m used to but it’s actually sort of nice to be able to ride her like that. I get to work a little harder, it’s a good slow warm-up and we’re ending as it’s really getting warm. She’s come out of her work-outs sweaty as ever but relaxed and happy.
Yesterday I was able to beat out the rain and went for a ride after being at the hospital from 11:00 AM to 3:00 PM. There was a combined training at the farm on Saturday so the jumps were still set up in the field and just happened to be set up at our schooling height (3 ft to 3 ft 3 in). There was one two foot coop that stood alone that I used as a warm-up but Bella was seriously phenomenal. She went out, did her job, and honestly it was probably the best jump school we’ve had in a while.
I like to ride her consistently (4 to 5 days a week) but sometimes we both just need a break and to take a breather. It was also hot, so maybe she’s just over the North Carolina summer already? Either way, I’ll take what I can get.
I did nearly come off coming out of the triple combination that was set-up but that was totally my fault. Going through the two stride she was caught off guard, we haven’t schooled many of those, and I thought she was going to take off after one stride while she was thinking about slamming on breaks. At the last moment she jumped it and I was already off balance and she’s got so much power she threw me clean out of the tack. Luckily I was able to stay relatively centered (despite my heels being up on her hindquarters) and when she landed I sat up and regathered us both. She’s a saint for jumping, it likely would have been easier to slam on breaks (and remind me not to get ahead of her).
I am planning on writing consistently again. I really do miss it, and I miss using my writing as a way to set goals for myself. Bella honestly felt amazing yesterday and I’d really like to get back into working with her more intensely. It’ll be hard to think about schooling changes in the mornings so I might save that for the weekends, she was really stuck yesterday and didn’t even want to change over fences which normally she will quite easily. But in the mornings I’ll be focusing on improving her flat work so that we can jump on Sundays and hopefully I’ll see her moving up above 3’6″ by this fall.